📜 TERMS & CONDITIONS 📜

📋 1. Acceptance of Terms

By using Slow Social ("the App", "this thing", "the modem noise maker"), you agree to be bound by these Terms & Conditions. You also implicitly acknowledge that waiting 30 seconds to open Instagram is, in fact, hilarious.

📟 2. Description of Service

Slow Social is an entertainment application that:

• Detects social media apps installed on your device
• Plays dial-up modem sounds at you
• Makes you wait before opening said apps
• Occasionally tells you your connection failed (configurable chance)
• Provides optional mindful usage features disguised as ISP restrictions
• Logs your connection attempts in a Win95 Event Viewer
• Lets you replace real app icons with Slow Social shortcuts

THE APP IS A PARODY. It is not an actual internet service provider. It does not provide internet access. It does not improve your connection speed. If anything, it makes your phone experience measurably worse. That is the entire point. (Though Mindful Mode might accidentally improve your life. We apologize for the inconvenience.)

💰 3. In-App Purchases

The App offers the following optional in-app purchases:

By purchasing this upgrade, you acknowledge that:

• You are paying an ISP to add bandwidth caps and throttling to your own phone
• This is exactly what a real ISP upgrade would do and you are in on the joke
• The modem sounds will still play in their entirety
• No refunds will be issued on the grounds that the product delivered exactly what was described
• The free tier already includes the full dial-up experience, busy signal slider, connection log, and basic widget
• You have an excellent sense of humor AND a genuine desire to use your phone less

All purchases are processed through Apple's App Store. Refund requests should be directed to Apple per their standard refund policy.

🔊 4. Audio & Sound

The App plays audio using iOS's .playback audio session category. This means:

• Sounds will play even when your phone is on silent mode
• This is intentional
• The modem sounds are the core feature of the App
• We are not responsible for startled coworkers, confused family members, or nostalgic tears
• An in-app volume control is provided for those who wish to moderate the experience

By using the App, you accept full responsibility for any social consequences of playing 1990s modem handshake sounds in public.

🚫 5. Intellectual Property

All content within Slow Social, including but not limited to the user interface design, parody text, fake ISP names, and overall concept, is the property of the developer.

Regarding third-party trademarks:

• All social media app names referenced in the App (Instagram, TikTok, X/Twitter, Facebook, etc.) are trademarks of their respective owners
• No brand logos or icons are used — all apps are represented by emoji only
• Slow Social is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any social media company
• The App is a parody and its references to social media platforms constitute fair use

Audio credits:

• Dial-up modem sound by Jlew via Freesound.org (CC BY)
• W95FA font by Alina Sava (free for commercial use)

🛑 6. Limitations of Liability

THE APP IS PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. WE DO NOT WARRANT THAT:

• The App will connect you to the internet (it won't)
• The T1 Line upgrade will noticeably improve your experience (it saves 1 second)
• Your connection will succeed (there's a configurable failure rate, and that's by design)
• The modem sounds are an accurate representation of any specific modem model
• Using the App will bring back the 1990s (we wish)

IN NO EVENT SHALL THE DEVELOPER BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES ARISING FROM:

• Inability to access social media in a timely manner
• Emotional distress caused by hearing a busy signal
• Nostalgia-induced crying
• Lost productivity due to waiting for fake dial-up connections
• Awkward situations caused by modem sounds playing in public

🚫 7. Prohibited Uses

You agree not to:

• Use the App to actually provide dial-up internet service (it can't do that)
• Reverse engineer the App to bypass the modem sounds (that defeats the purpose)
• Claim that the App gave you actual internet access at 28.8 kbps
• Sue us because you were late to something while waiting for a fake dial-up connection
• Use the App while operating heavy machinery (the modem sounds may be distracting)

🧠 8. Mindful Mode

The App includes optional "Mindful Mode" features that allow you to set limits on your social media usage. By using Mindful Mode, you acknowledge that:

• All limits (daily connections, operating hours, cool-down timers) are self-imposed and entirely voluntary
• You can change or disable any Mindful Mode setting at any time
• The App does not enforce anything you cannot override yourself
• Slow Social is NOT a parental control tool. It is not designed to restrict another person's device usage. It is designed to help YOU annoy YOURSELF into using your phone less.
• We are not responsible for any withdrawal symptoms experienced when you realize you've been opening Instagram 47 times a day

🔌 9. Shortcuts & Deep Links

The App supports iOS Shortcuts (Siri Shortcuts) and a custom URL scheme (slowsocial://). By using these features, you acknowledge that:

• Home screen shortcuts are created and configured by you through the iOS Shortcuts app
• Slow Social does not modify your home screen, move your apps, or change any system settings
• The Setup Wizard provides guidance on creating shortcuts — it does not create them for you
• Hiding real app icons in the App Library is an iOS feature, not something Slow Social controls
• If you lock yourself out of Instagram by hiding the icon and then setting your daily limit to zero, that's between you and your phone

📝 10. Modifications to Terms

We reserve the right to modify these Terms at any time. Changes will be posted to this page. Continued use of the App after changes constitutes acceptance of the new Terms.

However, we promise that any updates will maintain the same spirit of being unnecessarily long terms for a deliberately useless app.

⚖ 11. Governing Law

These Terms shall be governed by the laws of the jurisdiction in which the developer resides. Any disputes shall be resolved through binding arbitration conducted over a 56k modem connection.

(That last part is a joke. But only barely.)

📧 12. Contact Information

For questions about these Terms & Conditions: